Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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