The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
