she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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