I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
