ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
