If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
