The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
