so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
