I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
