Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
