you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
