so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
