i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
