I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
