i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
