We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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