I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
