You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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