The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
