I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
