where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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