OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
