The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
