Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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