I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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