redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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