At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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