I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
