He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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