Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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