I could make wine with my vomit
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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