my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
