420 ftw
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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