how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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