Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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