So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
