i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
