anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
