girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
