Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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