Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
