i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
