Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
