hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
