I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
