New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
