i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dicks are not precious.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
