dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
