Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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