I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
