you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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