not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
