I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
