so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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