apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
