I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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